Daycare: Day One

Day one has come & gone. That has to have been the hardest thing, by far, I've ever had to do. I've been told it gets easier and I really hope it's true because I don't think I can do this every day.

It started last night when I was trying to make up bottles. I couldn't bring myself to make them up. Everytime I would start with the first one, I would break down crying. I'm sure this sounds severe & almost crazy as millions of people put their babies in daycare every day. But when you've wanted something so much for 25 years (being a full time mom), it's hard to give that up after only 12 weeks. It pains me knowing that I won't spend the majority of the time with Alexander but people at work. But as Dan put it to try to ease my mind, I have to look at this as if it were school and something he has to do rather than 'daycare'.

Finally, I got the bottles made but I kept putting off going to bed. If I didn't go to sleep then Monday morning wouldn't come. Clearly I was lacking logic. We had a good night where Alexander slept for 7 hours, woke up to nurse & fell back to sleep. Sidenote: I do have to say that for a child that would not sleep the first 10 weeks of his life except in our bed - he's done exceptionally well in his crib.

Dan helped get things ready this morning to help make things easier. We were ready to go by 7:20am. As I was driving to daycare, I was listening to a local radio station who was a segment called "Right Now" where they ask callers to call in to tell them what's going on right now. I decided what the heck...I called up & surprisingly got thru! I told Matty & Billy that I was bringing my newborn son to daycare for the first time. They made a few comments about the baby being sick from now on and that he will have ear infections weekly. They also tried to make a few cheap shots at my husband. I wasn't on long but long enough to take my mind off of the what I was doing because now I was thinking about what jokes Matty & Billy were making.

We got to daycare where Dan met us there. Everyone who saw him raved about how adorable he was and they were surprised at how alert he was. We walked back to the infant room to meet the ladies & his new friends at school. We got set up with his different totes for clothes, blankets, diapers, bottles, food, etc. We put a sheet on his crib & I was happy that he did not get the crib in front of the clown painted on the wall.

I was going to stay today to help everyone get to know Alexander. But the fact that I couldn't do anything with Alexander because they wanted to learn his actions & cues, was worse than putting him in daycare. I was going to change his diaper but they wouldn't let me, they wanted to. But the thing that did me in was watching the lady feed him. UGHHHH. At that point, I decided that I couldn't sit there and watch other people hold, feed, & play with him. It was making me cry. I left daycare @ 10am and told them that I would be back later on so that he could get adjusted. I couldn't take it but I didn't tell them that, in fact I wonder what they thought because I just sat there with a grin on my face (fake obviously to help keep me composed). When I got to my car, I cried. I think I cried for 20 mins before I was able to call Dan.

I ran errands for 4 hours and at that point, I couldn't take it anymore. I had to go back and get him. I did plan it a little in my timing. I wanted to make sure he would have eaten so I wouldn't be picking him up and driving the poor little guy home hungry. Sure enough that when I got there, he was finishing up a bottle.

The ladies said that he did exceptionally well and that everyone loves him - of course! A few girls from other rooms came over to take a peak at him because they heard that the new baby is SO CUTE. He took a nap in his crib for over an hour and he was playing with some Sesame Street toys that had him laughing up a storm. So again, Alexander did better than Mommy did at his first day. But I don't think that's a surprise to anyone.

I was so much happier when I put him in my car knowing that we were going home. We came home, had something to eat and took a walk. Some needed quality time.

Tomorrow may be just as tough. I'll drop him off in the morning, and then come get him at some point. I'm not sure what time I'll make it to so we'll just have to wait & see. Wednesday's the full test since he'll be there all day and they'll get to witness his afternoon fussiness.

I'm just hoping that I don't break down again after leaving him there because that was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And hopefully it does get easier so I sound less like a crazed lunatic not willing to ever part with my child, even when he goes to college.